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Thread: Share your Jokes!

  1. #1

    lmao Share your Jokes!



    I figured I'd get it going..

    Post any funny jokes you know AS LONG AS THEY DON'T SERIOUSLY OFFEND OTHERS so keep the language pg13 and so on..

    We can start with an Old People Joke.. Chase?

  2. #2

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    Hahaha awesome

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    As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Peter, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

    "Heck," said Peter, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

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    Post any funny jokes you know AS LONG AS THEY DON'T SERIOUSLY OFFEND OTHERS

    As if this has stopped people before, especially when it comes to the feeling(s) of some of the more sensitive older members...

  5. #5

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    Excluding Pete's feeling was implied

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    Sunshine24 previously posted:
    "and...I have to bust out some old Norwegian jokes"

    Don't forget to include Nina!!! Sven and Nina were quite the couple!!!

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    lmao



    Enough old man jokes!

    A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know love," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my butt is hanging out a mile. I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby."

    She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

    He thinks about it for a bit and then says, "Well... there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
    ___________
    Chris in Florida

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    A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day he decided to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name." Fred" he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred" the man responds. When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"

    The man replies... "It's a long story so stay with me. I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree so I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS. Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So, I was Fred Dingaling MD DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS so I was Fred Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my dingaling so now I'm just Fred." The officer let him go without even a warning. :-)

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    With these Ole and Lena jokes I'm beginning to feel like I'm back in Minnesota, ya sure you betcha!
    ___________
    Chris in Florida

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    De talk like dat in de dakotas, too. Vut? You never seen Fargo? Vut is vrong vit you?

    My mom was from Minot...Ya sure!

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    Lots of Fargo was filmed in the Minneapolis suburbs which was kind of fun.

    My 90+ year old neighbor was a Scandanavian immigrant, he was a hoot and a model of keeping active. I was surprised to see him re-roofing his house when we first moved in until I found that he never let age stop him from anything.
    ___________
    Chris in Florida

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    mattzj98 previously posted:
    "Excluding Pete's feeling was implied"

    Not making allowances for Pete's feeling?
    ___________
    Heather
    Westminster/Broomfield
    2013 JK "LINUS"

  13. #13

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    Haha.. allawances..

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    Haha.. allawances..

    Allowance.

    What the hell is 'allawance', anyway? Ebonics?

    You and your Engrish...

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    Are you another former Minnesota Robyn?
    ___________
    Chris in Florida

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    Dakota...the colder of the two, unless I am mistaken.

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    This guy walks into a bar with his chihuahua, he sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender says to th eman.
    "Im sorry but we cant serve you hear with that dog" to which the man replies "OH, this is my seeing eye dog."
    Puzzled the bartender asks... "They gave you a chihuahua for a seeing eye dog?"
    the man jumps up and yells.
    "THEY GAVE ME A FUGGIN CHIHUAHUA!!!!"

  18. #18

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    A salesman hugs a girl.. Girl: What the hell is this? Salesman: It is direct marketing.. Girl slaps him.. Salesman: What is this? Girl: It is a customer's feedback!

  19. #19

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    Sim: Why it is hard to find the boys who are handsome, sensitive, caring and gentle? Jaine: Because they already have a boyfriend!

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    Sunshine24 previously posted:
    "Correct Pete..North Dakota "

    Brrr!
    ___________
    Chris in Florida

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