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Thread: Share your Jokes!

  1. #21
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    Sim: Why it is hard to find the boys who are handsome, sensitive, caring and gentle? Jaine: Because they already have a boyfriend!

    So am I to infer from this that the ONLY reason that I don't have a boyfriend and have a wife instead is because I am not handsome? That is so wrong! In fact, it really offends my sensitive, gentle and caring nature...I mean, WTF, anyway. I realize that my beauty sleep hasn't been doing anything worth a **** since I turned 50 no matter how much I sleep, and I wasn't all that great to look at to begin with, but I thought we were going to refrain from bashing feelings easily bruised like mine...Especially with nasty, uncaring jokes like this one..

  2. #22

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    No, this joke means that the reason LaDawn married you was because others chose a different way of life.. of course to spare you feeling, you were not the target of that joke.. nobody was actually..

  3. #23

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    Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the

    other one watches.

    Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks

    like it is going to rain and the top is down".

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    These are funny jokes people. Keep them coming.
    Here is my favorite joke...

    Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

    Most people hate that joke, but I like it. That might give insight on how odd I must be? I don't know.

  5. #25

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    Haha that's hilarious Keith and Robyn!

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    2 blondes are sitting in the middle of a grass field rowing a boat,
    another blonde drives by and see's the other blondes rowing the boat and says
    "those are the blondes that make us look bad, if i could swim out their i would beat them up"!
    My mom told me that!
    she also told me,

    What do you call a blonde that dies her hair brown?
    Artificial intelligence!

    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.

    A blond was caught staring at a bottle of orange juice by a store worker.
    The worker asked "why are you staring at that"?
    The Blonde Said "because it said concentrate

  7. #27

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    Not bad haha both my mom and I are blonde so we're cracking up, having a brown haired person explain all the jokes

  8. #28
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    Some really good stuff in this thread!!!

    I am so glad that Matt could laugh along with us. We like to be inclusive here you know.

  9. #29
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    Young white guy is driving down the road through the reservation in Arizona. He sees an old Navajo walking down the road. They are way out in the middle of nowhere, it is hot out, so he stops to offer the old man a ride. The elder gets in the young guy's truck, doesn't say much but thank you. They drive through the desert. Young guys sees the old Navajo eyeing the brown-bagged bottle on the seat between them. The young man sees this and starts to explain. "Look, I can't give you any of what is in that bottle. It is a special bottle of wine. It cost me dearly. I just can't open it. You see, I got it for my wife." The young man waits to see if the elder is going to ask for a drink anyways. A few more miles down the road, the elder finally says, "Good trade".

  10. #30

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    This thread was a good idea.. makes me laugh everyday since! Haha

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    A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other redneck whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What should I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence..........then a shot is heard. The redneck's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?

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    For those who like Jermey Clarkson

    http://jalopnik.com/5517986/25-of-th...orld/gallery/1

  13. #33

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    Funrover seriously offended me. Everybody knows true rednecks don't carry cell phones.

  14. #34

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    Ok, now I'll share my joke.

    Tim Tebow walks into a playoff game....



  15. #35

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    Lmao

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    Ok, now I'll share my joke.

    Tim Tebow walks into a playoff game....


    Must be another sports related joke since it went right over my head. Hell, not surprising, I guess, I had to look up "Tebow" earlier to see what people were talking about...

    Oh well, I figure any country that idolizes and pays it's sports figures more than the people who run the country is pretty much on the slippery downslope anyway...

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    SCRubicon previously posted:
    "Funrover seriously offended me. Everybody knows true rednecks don't carry cell phones. "

    ROFLMAO!!! That's funny right there.

  18. #38

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    A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

  19. #39
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    Funrover previously posted:
    "ROFLMAO!!! That's funny right there."

    Sure was huh? Oh and Hugh LOVES your joke!

  20. #40

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    Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

    A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

    In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket

    A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

    CAIRO, Egypt (AP) - Six people drowned yesterday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt. An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well. He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said. His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned. Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled down by the same undercurrent. The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo. The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.

    THIS ONE KINDA LONG. But i worked at o'reilly auto parts and found this funny as hell.

    The Redneck Oil Change Checklist

    1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree.

    2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

    3. Open a beer and drink it.

    4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

    5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

    6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

    7. Place drain pan under engine.

    8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

    9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

    10. Unscrew drain plug.

    11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.

    12. Clean up.

    13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

    14. Look for oil filter wrench.

    15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.

    16. Beer.

    17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

    18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

    19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

    20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

    21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

    22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

    23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

    24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

    25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

    26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

    27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

    28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

    29. Begin cussing fit.

    30. Throw wrench.

    31. Cuss and complain.

    32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

    33. Beer.

    34. Beer.

    35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

    36. Beer.

    37. Lower car from jack stands

    38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands

    39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

    40. Test drive car

    41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

    42. Car gets impounded.

    43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.

    Money Spent:

    $50 parts

    $12 beer

    $75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!

    $1000 Bail

    $200 Impound and towing fee

    Total: $1337

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