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Thread: Share your Jokes!

  1. #321
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    Default Re: Share your Jokes!



    Thought this was funny
         

  2. #322
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    For jeep owners....
         
    ___________
    James Orofino
    1970 CJ5
    1958 Willys Wagon

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  4. #323
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    Made me laugh out loud James. Thank you!
    ___________
    Tom
    -.- . ----- .-- - -.-.

  5. The Following Member Says Thanks to Tom For This Post:

    FINOCJ (December 10th, 2019)

  6. #324
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    And this guy and his jeep are what my mind rolls to (classic windshield down, no roll bar):


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    alanmikkelsen (December 24th, 2019)

  8. #325
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    NEIL DIAMOND: touching hands
    CDC: no don’t touch hands
    NEIL DIAMOND: reaching out
    CDC: please avoid that
    NEIL DIAMOND: TOUCHING YOU-
    CDC: everyone is Boston is doomed


    STING: Don't stand
    Don't stand so
    Don't stand so close to me
    CDC: Now you're talkin

    STING: Every breath you take, every step you make...
    CDC: Yes, we will be watching you.


    Proclaimers:
    But I would walk 500 miles
    and I would walk 500 more
    just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
    to fall down at your door
    CDC: Please quarantine in place


    MC Hammer: You can't touch this
    CDC: Not without proper sterilization and washing hands

    JIM MORRISON: COME ON, COME ON, COME ON NOW TOUCH ME, BABY!
    CDC: That is not advised.

    JIM MORRISON: CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I AM NOT AFRAID?
    CDC: Immaterial.

    Phil Collins: Shes seems to have an invisible touch
    CDC: get her into quarantine immediately!


    Pink Floyd: HEY YOU
    CDC: oh hell
    Pink Floyd: out there on your own
    CDC: ok, self quarantined, not so bad
    Pink Floyd: sitting naked by the phone WOULD YOU TOUCH ME
    CDC: god damnit


    EXILE: I want to kiss you all over
    CDC: Absolutely not.
    EXILE: and over again.
    CDC: GOTTDAMNIT!!


    Alanis: Cause I got one hand in my pocket.
    CDC: Make sure it's sanitized.
    Alanis: And the other one is giving a high five.
    CDC: That's it. I quit!


    MILEY: "It's a Party in the USA!"
    CDC: "You really should avoid large gatherings."
    MILEY: "My tummy's turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick!"
    CDC: "See! What did I tell you?"

    Bon Jovi: You're love is like bad medicine.

    CDC: We're actually still finding the cure.
    Bon Jovi: Bad medicine is what I need.
    CDC: It most certainly is not.


    BEATLES: Yeah you, got that something, I think you'll understand
    CDC: It's Covid-19
    BEATLES: I wanna hold your hand
    CDC: Not advisable
    BEATLES: I wanna hold your hand
    CDC: No


    Eddie Money: Take me home tonight!
    CDC: NO!


    Foreigner: “I’M HOT-BLOODED! Check it and see.”
    CDC: “Well, yes, we do advise constant monitoring of body tempera
    Foreigner: “I’VE GOT A FEVER OF A HUNDRED AND THREE!”
    CDC: “Dear God. Why are you still singing? Can we get an ambulance here? Right away?”


    Robert Palmer: Doctor, doctor, give me the news. I've got.a bad case
    CDC: Oh no...
    Palmer: Of loving you
    CDC: *sigh of relief*


  9. The Following Member Says Thanks to Jackie For This Post:

    Tom (March 1st, 2020)

  10. #326
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    .
         
    ___________
    Tom
    -.- . ----- .-- - -.-.

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    Jackie (November 3rd, 2020),Jim (May 31st, 2020),Schmitty (February 17th, 2022)

  12. #327
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    Default Re: Share your Jokes!



    Perfection would be a straight six sitting next to a Wrangler tub.
         

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    If you've never heard of lutefisk, google it.
         

  14. The Following Member Says Thanks to derf For This Post:

    Schmitty (February 17th, 2022)

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    Default Re: Share your Jokes!



    derf previously posted:
    "If you've never heard of lutefisk, google it."

    Rotflol
    ___________
    Tom
    -.- . ----- .-- - -.-.

  16. #330
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    Default Re: Share your Jokes!



    I recently learned how to say "What's up dog!" in Japanese.

    "Konichihuahua"

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    derf previously posted:
    "If you've never heard of lutefisk, google it."

    HAHA!!! My mom used to make Lutefisk for my dad ONCE a year. On that day, all 10 of us kids would leave the house early and not come back until long after supper time. (Oh, the stink)! My dad loved it though). Lutefisk was often served with lefse, a Norwegian flat bread made out of potatoes. Lefse is a favorite in my family in the fall and winter. It takes hours to make but it's worth it!
         

  18. #332
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    Default Re: Share your Jokes!



    Jackie previously posted:
    "HAHA!!! My mom used to make Lutefisk for my dad ONCE a year. On that day, all 10 of us kids would leave the house early and not come back until long after supper time. (Oh, the stink)! My dad loved it though). Lutefisk was often served with lefse, a Norwegian flat bread made out of potatoes. Lefse is a favorite in my family in the fall and winter. It takes hours to make but it's worth it!"

    my dad ate it pickled! made me want to barf.

    now, lefse, on the other hand...that is amazing. a little butter and sprinkle some brown sugar on it and roll it up. mmmm. we still have that at Christmas and Thanksgiving ever year.

    J.
    ___________
    05 4Runner Sport - 3" lift, 35s & v8 POWA!

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    Jackie (November 3rd, 2020)

  20. #333
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    I haven't had lefse in decades.

  21. #334
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    derf previously posted:
    "I haven't had lefse in decades."

    Want some? Hell, I'm still out of work. I could start taking orders for the holidays, (it freezes well)!

  22. #335
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    Jackie previously posted:
    "Want some? Hell, I'm still out of work. I could start taking orders for the holidays, (it freezes well)!"

    It sounds tempting but given health issues, something that's 100% carbohydrates and starches (not to mention what I like to put on it) is something I have to avoid.

  23. #336
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    Truth right here
         

  24. The Following 3 Members Say Thanks to derf For This Post:

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  25. #337
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    Not a joke per se, but I saw this today and thought "Well, Charles Spurgeon clearly never owned a Jeep"
         
    ___________
    Steven
    2004 Wrangler Rubicon

  26. The Following Member Says Thanks to Steve-O For This Post:

    Tom (November 10th, 2020)

  27. #338
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    Default Re: Share your Jokes!



    ARBITRAITOR
    A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

    BERNADETTE
    The act of torching a mortgage.

    BURGLARIZE
    What a crook sees through.

    AVOIDABLE
    What a bullfighter tries to do.

    COUNTERFEITER
    Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

    LEFT BANK
    What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

    HEROES
    What a man in a boat does.

    PARASITES
    What you see from the Eiffel Tower.

    PARADOX
    Two physicians.

    PHARMACIST
    A helper on a farm.

    RELIEF
    What trees do in the spring.

    RUBBERNECK
    What you do to relax your wife.

    SELFISH
    What the owner of a seafood store does.

    SUDAFED
    Brought litigation against a government official.

  28. The Following Member Says Thanks to Jim For This Post:

    Tom (February 27th, 2021)

  29. #339
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    Default Re: Share your Jokes!



    The 12 Seasons of Colorado
         

  30. The Following 3 Members Say Thanks to Jim For This Post:

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  31. #340
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    This should be sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it... (in larger type because they need it)

    1966: Long hair
    2021: Longing for hair

    1966: KEG
    2021: EKG

    1966: Acid rock
    2021: Acid reflux

    1966: Moving to California because it's cool
    2021: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

    1966: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
    2021: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

    1966: Seeds and stems
    2021: Roughage

    1966: Hoping for a BMW
    2021: Hoping for a BM

    1966: Going to a new, hip joint
    2021: Receiving a new hip joint

    1966: Rolling Stones
    2021: Kidney Stones

    1966: Screw the system
    2021: Upgrade the system

    1966: Disco
    2021: Costco

    1966: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
    2021: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

    1966: Passing the drivers' test
    2021: Passing the vision test

    1966: Whatever
    2021: Depends



    Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.

    Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:

    The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 2003.

    They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

    Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

    Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.

    The CD was introduced 7 years before they were born.

    They have always had an answering machine.

    They have always had cable.

    They cannot fathom not having a remote control.

    Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.

    They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

    They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.

    They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

    They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane".

    They do not care who shot J. R. & have no idea who J. R. even is.

    McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

    They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.


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