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Thread: from the files of UPS airlines...this is funny!

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    Default from the files of UPS airlines...this is funny!



    UPS Airlines


    Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one...Also, UPS is the only major airlinethat has never, ever, had an accident.

    After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P)and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenanceengineers.

    ********************************
    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
    *******************
    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
    ******************
    P: Something loose in cockpit
    S: Something tightened in cockpit
    ************************
    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.
    ************************
    P: Auto pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent...
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
    *************************
    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.
    *************************
    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.
    *************************
    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.
    ************************
    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
    ***********************
    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.
    **********************
    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
    **************************
    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    (I love this one!):
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
    ***************************
    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
    **********************
    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.
    ***********************
    And the best one for last
    ***********************
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget












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    Default Re: from the files of UPS airlines...this is funny



    LOL :lol:

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    Default Re: from the files of UPS airlines...this is funny



    Pathrat previously posted:
    "Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one..."

    Very funny! Thanks for sharing but one correction.

    It takes FAA certification to get the A&E certification to fix one, typically 2 years of schooling. Been there, done that.
    ___________
    Chris in Florida

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    Default Re: from the files of UPS airlines...this is funny



    very good!

  5. #5

    Default Re: from the files of UPS airlines...this is funny



    Funniest thing I have read in a long time!

  6. #6

    Default Re: from the files of UPS airlines...this is funny



    :lol:

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